Trash

Trash. We all know what that is. But did you know that each and everyone of us is carrying some type of trash around? It's true. It can be worry, fear, doubt, shame, regret or even your past. But it all piles up like trash in our lives. Whether we're aware of it or not, that trash is very detrimental to our lives. I know for me my trash is holding me back from truly following what God has called me to do.
I watched a video from OneTimeBlind about this very subject. You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz8yiMmsWtQ In that video Kat is shown carrying around a garbage bag full of trash. She walks by Jesus and they start talking. Jesus notices the trash and offers to take it from her. Kat's so "embarrassed" by her trash that she refuses saying that it's her trash so she should be the one to carry it. Jesus offers to take it again, saying that it's His job. Kat then says that she'll just go clean it up first and then she'll give it to Him...
How many times have you been where Kat is? I can't even begin to count how many times I've been there. So ashamed of something that you can't give it up because you think you deserve what you got. So you avoid God, you don't speak to Him, and you most certainly don't ask Him to take whatever trash you've collected. Why do we do that? Why do we think that we can't give something to God? I think a lot of it has to do with this ideal image of what we think we should be, how we should be, as Christians. I don't believe it has to do with us doubting that He can take it from us, because if we know one thing it should be that we know He can do anything! Okay, back to the video...
Kat's still hesitating giving Jesus her trash. But while He says she doesn't have to do that, clean it up, He takes her trash. Kat is in awe as when she realizes how free she feels since giving her trash to Jesus. But soon she feels like something's missing, so she grabs the bag of trash and digs something out. All the while Jesus is telling her not to grab the bag and to not open it. Kat explains that she needs this piece to remind herself to "not make more trash". But Jesus says that He will do that, so she needs to put that piece back in the bag. Kat is holding this piece very tight, not letting it go. She feels that she's letting Him down because she's not doing everything right, she's not in a "better place". Jesus tries to tell her that He took care of her trash long before she even made it, so she couldn't let Him down....
What are you holding onto? What aren't you letting Him take? What are you so afraid of? Failure? Falling? For me it's shame, regret, doubt, fear that I'm hesitating letting go. It's the shame of my past, the regret of my sins, doubt in myself, and the fear of the unknown. Why can't I let them go? I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm like Kat and I think that by holding onto those things that I can remind myself to do better and not make more trash. Maybe it's something else. But only He really knows.
My favorite part in the video is when Jesus looks at Kat and tells her "When I look at you I don't see your sin. I see you. The real you, the free you. This is what I'm fighting for. This is what I died for.". Kat looks up at Him and asks for forgiveness. Jesus replies "I've already forgiven you. The question is, will you forgive yourself?".
Will you forgive yourself? That's a powerful question huh? You may be wondering "why should I forgive myself?" or "how could I?". Well my question for you is why shouldn't you forgive yourself? Although I can understand why you feel like you can't, it's something that you should do. It took me a while to be able to forgive myself for my past. But I didn't know that it was a must do. I didn't know that me not forgiving myself was a big step in feeling that freedom Kat felt when she first gave Jesus her trash. I didn't know that because I didn't know that He wanted that kind of stuff. But like He said, it's what He died for. He died for our freedom. His blood washes away our sin. So by not forgiving yourself you're not giving Him your full bag of trash. And by not giving Him your full bag of trash, you're never going to be truly free. Jesus loves us! Like He told Kat He only sees us, not our sin. I say it's high time we start doing the same!

Ichthus 2010

This year marked my first year ever going to Ichthus. If you don't know what that is... well, where have you been living? hehe, only kidding. Ichthus is a christian music festival held every year in Wilmore, Kentucky. I had always heard of it but had never gone. This year, though, I found out that BarlowGirl was going to be there.... that helped me make the decision that I was going to go! Then a friend told me about how she volunteers and gets a discounted ticket. Well that did in for me too. How could I pass up going to this festival and miss seeing BarlowGirl? Especially for such a low price! All together I paid $45. Wristbands for the entire festival was $99. And I got to help out with Remedy Drive's merch table! Those guys are the most awesomest guys ever! haha..

So not only was the price unbeatable, the experience will forever be one of the greatest experiences in my life!! The events leading up to the festival, not so great... But I learned a very valuable lesson; God IS FAITHFUL!!!! He heard my yearning and desire to go to and through everything, He made it possible! Even when I was ready to give up once and for all, He came through for me! And I cannot be more thankful to Him! I left the festival with a fire burning inside that I thought would never burn again. But it did! And it still is! I recommitted to Him and I haven't felt more passionate for Him.

So yes all of the bands I saw were phenomenal! The people I met were awesome! And I even got to meet Hearts of Saints a band from Kentucky and one that Scream E-zine interviewed (and I just so happen to be a member!). They were beyond amazing live! And they're all such nice guys!

So... my mind is totally made up. I WILL be going back to Ichthus next year!! The experience is one that I want to live over and over! I wish Ichthus was everyday! lol... So if you think this is something that you'd be interested in, go here->http://www.ichthusfestival.org/ You will NOT be disappointed! ^_^

Here are some pictures that I took this year!! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031650&id=115901184

Faith, Hope, and Love,
~Carla~

Thoughts of You

I was looking at videos on YouTube when I came across a young girl singing BarlowGirl's song "Thoughts of You". It's been a while since I had listened to this song and I almost forgot how much I loved it. It's a simple yet amazingly beautiful song!
The first time I heard it I broke down in tears. So many times I've tried to say how thankful and grateful I am for everything that God has done in my life but I always come up short. Whenever I'm in a thanksgiving mood, I always hear this song. I can't help but get swept up in the words.
For those of you who hasn't heard this song.... Here's a link to it on YouTube. It doesn't have the lyrics there, but I've posted them here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It_AYv7wtZc

Thoughts of You and how You changed me Fill my mind
Without You where would I be
So even though I've tried to express my thanks
It never comes out how I hoped
I want to say so much more
So with these simple words
I'll try

I love You
My heart is Yours, only Yours
I long to give You all of me
My everything, my everything

God I never could repay You
You gave everything
Without You where would I be
You still loved me even when I Pushed You away
You stood there and waited
Till the day I'd return


I hope you all have an amazing day!
God Bless!
~Carla~

Operation Beautiful

I am a HUGE fan of Superchick's and they posted a blog on their myspace about Operation Beautiful. It's such a beautiful concept (no pun intended) and I think we all need to jump on board. What is operation beautiful? It's a movement of telling everyone that they are beautiful.
So many times I've heard girls say how they're ugly or how fat they are. I can't count the times that I have said that. But with this mission we all have an opportunity to change someone's day! And who knows... you just might save someone's life! I've been to a point where I've felt so horribly about myself that I couldn't stand to even look at myself. But just one small thing made me smile and it changed my day, my life. How can anyone pass up on an opportunity to make someone smile, or to change someone's day/life?
All you have to do is take out a piece of paper and a pen and leave a positive note where someone can see it. I say let's change the way we think about ourselves! This is just a small step in the right direction! I am definitely on board!
For more information please visit http://www.operationbeautiful.com

And while you're at it, check out this video!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM7lMO0pjjc

YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!!!
<3

TWLOHA Day

So today is TWLOHA Day!! If you don't know what that is it's To Write Love On Her Arm. If you still don't know what it is, go
here-> http://www.twloha.com it'll explain everything!
TWLOHA is an amazing organization! Their intentions are incredibly beautiful! And I totally support them! However... There are people out there who use this org as a way to get attention. They'll only buy and wear their shirts because "it's cool" or because they saw their favorite celebrity wearng it. Have we become so insensitive and so concerned with being "cool" that we fail to see the reason and meaning behind the things we support? If you only support something just because someone else is then what's the point in supporting it? And I use the word support VERY loosely!
Why am I so worked up over this? Because I personally know what it's like to struggle with both depression and self injury. And I think it's incredibly insensitive for someone to show their support for something they don't know anything about. All except for seeing their fav celebrity "supporting" it, so why not be like them? Celebrities are people too!! They are just like me and you!
So if you are one of those people... and if you don't know the story behind TWLOHA, please go and educate yourself!
(this blog was inspired by http://screamezineblog.blogspot.com/'s blog)