Trash. We all know what that is. But did you know that each and everyone of us is carrying some type of trash around? It's true. It can be worry, fear, doubt, shame, regret or even your past. But it all piles up like trash in our lives. Whether we're aware of it or not, that trash is very detrimental to our lives. I know for me my trash is holding me back from truly following what God has called me to do.
I watched a video from OneTimeBlind about this very subject. You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz8yiMmsWtQ In that video Kat is shown carrying around a garbage bag full of trash. She walks by Jesus and they start talking. Jesus notices the trash and offers to take it from her. Kat's so "embarrassed" by her trash that she refuses saying that it's her trash so she should be the one to carry it. Jesus offers to take it again, saying that it's His job. Kat then says that she'll just go clean it up first and then she'll give it to Him...
How many times have you been where Kat is? I can't even begin to count how many times I've been there. So ashamed of something that you can't give it up because you think you deserve what you got. So you avoid God, you don't speak to Him, and you most certainly don't ask Him to take whatever trash you've collected. Why do we do that? Why do we think that we can't give something to God? I think a lot of it has to do with this ideal image of what we think we should be, how we should be, as Christians. I don't believe it has to do with us doubting that He can take it from us, because if we know one thing it should be that we know He can do anything! Okay, back to the video...
Kat's still hesitating giving Jesus her trash. But while He says she doesn't have to do that, clean it up, He takes her trash. Kat is in awe as when she realizes how free she feels since giving her trash to Jesus. But soon she feels like something's missing, so she grabs the bag of trash and digs something out. All the while Jesus is telling her not to grab the bag and to not open it. Kat explains that she needs this piece to remind herself to "not make more trash". But Jesus says that He will do that, so she needs to put that piece back in the bag. Kat is holding this piece very tight, not letting it go. She feels that she's letting Him down because she's not doing everything right, she's not in a "better place". Jesus tries to tell her that He took care of her trash long before she even made it, so she couldn't let Him down....
What are you holding onto? What aren't you letting Him take? What are you so afraid of? Failure? Falling? For me it's shame, regret, doubt, fear that I'm hesitating letting go. It's the shame of my past, the regret of my sins, doubt in myself, and the fear of the unknown. Why can't I let them go? I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm like Kat and I think that by holding onto those things that I can remind myself to do better and not make more trash. Maybe it's something else. But only He really knows.
My favorite part in the video is when Jesus looks at Kat and tells her "When I look at you I don't see your sin. I see you. The real you, the free you. This is what I'm fighting for. This is what I died for.". Kat looks up at Him and asks for forgiveness. Jesus replies "I've already forgiven you. The question is, will you forgive yourself?".
Will you forgive yourself? That's a powerful question huh? You may be wondering "why should I forgive myself?" or "how could I?". Well my question for you is why shouldn't you forgive yourself? Although I can understand why you feel like you can't, it's something that you should do. It took me a while to be able to forgive myself for my past. But I didn't know that it was a must do. I didn't know that me not forgiving myself was a big step in feeling that freedom Kat felt when she first gave Jesus her trash. I didn't know that because I didn't know that He wanted that kind of stuff. But like He said, it's what He died for. He died for our freedom. His blood washes away our sin. So by not forgiving yourself you're not giving Him your full bag of trash. And by not giving Him your full bag of trash, you're never going to be truly free. Jesus loves us! Like He told Kat He only sees us, not our sin. I say it's high time we start doing the same!
